“Did you send it?’

“Yes,”

“Did she text back?”

“No.”

“Doesn’t she remember how much we love her?”

“The lies. She’s been fed too many lies.”

Love is stronger than lies.

 

 

Brother II did not accuse Blarney Boy of bribing the former detective with some of the stolen fifty thousand dollars.

But, after their indignant exit, he was able to theorize creative ways in which Blarney Boy could be guilty, yet still pass the lie detector test.

Brother II had heard chewing coffee grinds altered your heartbeat enough so a person could lie and fool the lie detector machine. He also heard that cocaine addicts could pass lie detector tests. The Woman with the Rock in her Shoe and Brother II were afraid that Blarney Boy blew fifty thousand dollars up his nose.

None of the family stage players, including the Sad Girl, found it interesting that Brother II would know about the techniques to beat a lie detector test.

A search was made during the subsequent weeks through the attic and the items left behind by the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy in a futile attempt to recover some of the missing money. No one checked to see if there were coffee grinds missing from the pantry.

The family drama had entered the realms of being a fantastic dream; a soap opera come to life. Regularly, new installments were added. The Sad Girl wished it would stop, but it just played on with the family characters entering and exiting the stage on cue with no conclusion in site.

*********

An inflamed affronted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy, twins in tow, left directly. They transported only their clothes and a large axe to grind. The acting duo sharpened their verbal dagger while traveling south on the Garden State Parkway.

Sister II had provided the miracle. They were no longer homeless after being physically kicked out of the family nest. Sister II, apparently well versed in the scene that had just played out on center stage, cordially took them in.

Sister II had known, after the fact, that the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe set up Blarney Boy to expose him as a thief. She was duly outraged that the Woman with the Rock in her Shoe would engage in an underhanded scheme with a family member as the target.

Sister II was promptly reminded that she had done the same thing to a pilfering restaurant worker.

Sister II’s outrage reverberated through the phone line. She was furious at Brother II, the Pretend Father and the Woman with the Rock in her Shoe in particular, but her anger embraced everyone. She felt that as a family, we were gossiping about various situations.

Gossiping? No. Trying to figure out what the heck was going on, yes. We still are.

 

Goldilocks

And out begging she went.

Telling the story of her discovery here, crying over there.

She begged for prayers for her cause with full confidence that God heard the plea of a lowly bastard and would take pity.

 

 

 

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe  had struck a note of fear through our home. Blarney Boy, now formally branded a thief, might aim to hurt someone in the night. The Sad Girl was now officially afraid of a violent Blarney Boy slitting her throat while she slept. It was a simple case of stage fright but it left her body numb and frozen on the stage.

 

Within two or three days, a former police detective, hired by Brother II, arrived to administer a polygraph test to Blarney Boy. The gentleman set up his equipment in a quiet room. Blarney Boy was summoned. He was sweating profusely as he walked like a condemned man into the room occupied by the police detective and the machine of truth. The door closed. His fate was now in mechanical hands.

 

A troubled Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, the twins beside her, waited in the kitchen with the others. It’s not known if she expected Blarney Boy to pass or fail the lie detector test.  It can be hoped she was contemplating the importance of truth. Truth, in spite of how dirty, was always better than a lie. Regardless of the polygraph results, it was cruel and insensitive to inflict her with the emotions of second guessing her husband. There could have been another way if cooler heads had prevailed. Why didn’t they lock up the money then discreetly fire Blarney Boy? The Greek chorus seems to think there was another reason for the accusation against him that has yet, even after all these years, to be disclosed.

 

Tension griped the stage. As the clock finally ticked off an eternity, the former detective emerged from the room, equipment in hand. Blarney Boy followed wearing a triumphant grin. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was relieved and confident in the innocence his smile proudly proclaimed.

 

Later at the deli, a frustrated Brother II disclosed  the lie detector had proven Blarney Boy innocent of all thievery charges. Blarney Boy, in the entire time he knew our family, had not even pocketed a penny from the floor or any item from the deli or home without permission.

 

The Woman With the Rock in her Shoe informed Favorite Sister that the polygraph test showed Blarney Boy to be possibly a pilferer who may have stolen small amounts of cash totaling only a few thousand dollars.

 

The Sad Girl, and anyone who she has asked, never saw the actual written report issued by the former detective.

 

( Again, we have two nearly contrary stories concerning the same event. I appeal to all the characters to please follow the same script and stop improvising!)

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named shared in Blarney Boy’s triumphant acquittal, grinning from ear to ear with an “I told you so” expression on her face and on her lips. Their vindication was short lived. There was no apology written in the script for the expectant couple, prepared to magnanimously forgive their accusers.

 

Both Blarney Boy and The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named mouths dropped open when the Woman With the Rock in Her Shoe hissed at them both to immediately depart. She promptly rephrased her edict telling The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named that she could stay with the twins but Blarney Boy, precious Blarney Boy, now dubbed “her husband”, must vacate the premises directly.

 

Stunned as their world fell apart, the two of them went into their apartment and shut the door on the maddened Woman With the Rock in Her Shoe.

 

They both remained ensconced in their room behind a locked door as the Woman With the Rock in Her Shoe’s wrath swiftly turned into a panicked terror. She would have Blarney Boy out of her home that night. She was thoroughly convinced that Blarney Boy would slay her while she slept or set the house on fire to massacre us all.

 

As the late afternoon progressed into evening, the kitchen once again served as the stage scenery while the performers gathered to discuss the dilemma at hand.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy had shut the door on the cacophony rumbling across the theater platform. They were ignoring the Woman With the Rock in Her Shoe’s sentence of banishment from the family stage.  Undeniably, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was struggling for a piece of serenity and a miracle to resolve the dilemma of being abruptly made homeless by a once loving mother.

 

The zero hour had arrived when the Sad Boy, at the request of a hysterical Woman With the Rock in Her Shoe to bring the act to a conclusion, volunteered to play her emissary. He was brave enough to face the beast of Blarney Boy. The Sad Boy knocked on the apartment door. Brother II towered over the Sad Boy as he tried to hide behind him, not willing to face the unscripted response of the door opening head on. The Pretend Father stood behind in the doorway, shaking from the cold hands of stage fright. He was unable to act in this scene. The Sad Girl stood to the side as well, just watching the live performance.

 

On cue, Blarney Boy opened the door as the Sad Boy’s accented voice told him the hour was late; it was time to go.

 

Blarney Boy sneered, his words accusing the Sad Boy.

“Who are you to kick me out?”

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named took the opportunity to slip between them, then past Brother II and Pretend Father, to enter the kitchen. She wanted to speak to the Woman With the Rock in Her Shoe to plead with her for sanity and mercy.

 

Blarney Boy backed away from the open door. The Sad Boy entered the small apartment to talk to him with Brother II following behind.

 

In the kitchen, where the Sad Girl stood listening, the Woman With the Rock in Her Shoe firmly held on to her script. She was deaf to her daughter’s plea for mercy. The stage reverberated with her cold refusal as a now screaming Sister Who Shall Not Be Named stomped from the kitchen in frustration and resentment.

 

Her hope for compassion crushed, an impassioned Sister Who Shall Not Be Named entered the apartment looking to vent her growing rage. A heated discussion was underway between Blarney Boy, the Sad Boy and Brother II. The Sad Boy’s back was turned toward the door where the agitated Pretend Father still stood. The Sad Boy was taken unaware as the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named jumped on his back from behind, stealing Sister II’s line screaming,

“Leave my husband alone!”

 

Blarney Boy took the opportunity to sucker punch the Sad Boy in the eye while the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named had his arms pinned. The Sad Boy tossed her from his back only to be restrained by Brother II, now afraid the Sad Boy would beat Blarney Boy to a bloody pulp. And he would have.

 

Smiling like a big shot, Blarney Boy helped a smug Sister Who Shall Not Be Named gather the twins and some suitcases to exit the stage with a bang.

 

 

Goldilocks

 

I will know. Never think I won’t- because God hears the cry of bastards.

 

 

It was shortly after the Baptismal party that an enraged Brother II, co-owner of the deli, abruptly informed Blarney Boy and the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, of their change in family status.

One evening,  they were quietly summoned into the kitchen.

With his usual good-humored grin, Blarney Boy greeted the family players, seated around the table, with a “Hey, what’s up?”

Poor Blarney Boy…He never saw it coming. He was the apple of the Woman with the Rock in her Shoe’s eye. He was the king she served rib-eye steaks to while the remainder of the family, including Pretend Father, ate meatloaf for dinner.

Blarney Boy was about to be served poetic justice, raw. He was moments away from being dethroned then tossed off stage into the orchestra pit. He never saw it coming.

Brother II, demonstrating his lack of diplomatic acting skills, blurted out in a thundering voice, “Where’s my fifty grand?!”

 

Blarney Boy was genuinely surprised and confused that he had not been apprised of the copy change. He was a lead character on the family stage and began flipping the script while improvising his lines, “What are you talking about?”

The accusation had been hurled deep from a backstage wing. Beloved Blarney Boy was momentarily shocked. He was stunned by the arraignment that had landed on his head with a thump. He had no time to kiss the Blarney Stone for luck.

Brother II, his six-foot frame now puffed with indignation, continued to ask Blarney Boy for the fifty thousand dollars he allegedly stole from the deli.

Blarney Boy adamantly denied taking any money. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named as well voiced her stunned outrage at the charge levied against her husband.

Blarney Boy’s pleading eyes found cold stares as he glanced at each person now standing next to the table. His glimpse at the Sad Girl was the swiftest. He knew she would not plead his case.

He held the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe’s once affectionate eyes the longest. There would be no mercy for Blarney Boy from her that evening. He would not be able to put his hand on the bible and swear. She had already tried and sentenced him in absentia.

Brother II continued to blame Blarney Boy, adding pilferer and leach to the charge of thievery. With conviction, Blarney Boy protested the charges as any innocent man would. Somewhere during the verbal melee, Brother II disclosed the method the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe employed to set him up. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, rightfully so, was furious.

 

Back and forth they verbally battled with Brother II lobbing accusations and Blarney Boy ducking out of the way.
“Why would I live in your parents’ house like a pauper if I stole fifty thousand dollars? Give me a lie detector test. I swear I didn’t take it!”

 

A sneering Brother II, cocksure that Blarney Boy was a thief, took him up on his offer. Blarney Boy had scrambled up from the orchestra pit. He would not go quietly off the stage.

 

That evening, the Sad Boy slid a small dresser in front of the lock-less bedroom door. Together he and the Sad Girl set objects on top. They would fall if someone attempted to open the bedroom door.

The Woman with The Rock in Her Shoe had struck a note of fear through the home. Blarney Boy, now formally branded a thief, might aim to hurt someone in the night. The Sad Girl was now officially afraid of a violent Blarney Boy slitting her throat while she slept. It was a simple case of stage fright that left her body numb and frozen on the stage.

 

 

Goldilocks

 

 

 

 

Brother II, co-owner of the deli, was soon apprised of Blarney Boy’s alleged thievery. As could be expected, he flipped out.

 

According to the accountant, the deli had been missing fifty thousand dollars in one year. Brother II had already taken out a loan, five or ten thousand dollars, to keep the deli business afloat. Tally this with the money the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe claimed she was using from Pretend Father’s paycheck and it became quite a sum.

 

Blarney Boy was accused of stealing it all. Not to mention various pieces of cutlery.

 

Although he was not their favorite person, the Sad Girl and Favorite Sister were never convinced Blarney Boy was the thief they said he was.

 

Blarney Boy was a lot of things but come on, committing random acts of pilfering on the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe’s spoon and forks? Every day stainless steel flatware?
It didn’t make sense then. It doesn’t make sense now.

 

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe was the gravy train for the Sister Who Shall Not be Named and Blarney Boy. She always made sure the rent was paid, that they ate, had Christmas presents under the tree, and a roof over their heads. Why would Blarney Boy spoil that?

 

Why wouldn’t Blarney Boy pay his rent if he was stealing all that money? The working theory was that if he lived in the house, he would have better access to the deli money and be able to steal more.

 

Do the words bank deposit or locked safe have any significance? Or even, secure hiding spot?

 

Blarney Boy and the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named would not be alerted to their change in status for a few weeks. Too bad Facebook wasn’t around, everybody could have just defriended them.

 

It was after this scene that the Sad Boy and Sad Girl returned from Italy, the tail end of August 1989.

 

Before leaving Naples, the Sad Boy’s parents had thrown a party to celebrate the wedding. It was attended by all the Sad Boy’s friends and relatives. Each came with a substantial cash gift tucked inside a beautiful Italian wedding card.

 

The Sad Boy’s family was generous. When it was totaled then converted from lira to dollar, they had half the amount needed for a down payment on a house.

 

They went back to the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe’s house to live while they finished saving for a house.

 

While the Sad Boy and Sad Girl were away, Brother II welcomed his second child. He waited until the newlyweds returned for the baptism. The party was held by Favorite Sister’s home with just family and close friends.

 

Sister II and Brother-in-Law attended.

 

The Sad Girl was anxious. Over the summer, Favorite Sister had mentioned that Sister II was mad at both the Sad Boy and Sad Girl. She did not know the reason, but was aware Sister II was angry enough to start a fight. Favorite Sister reminded Sister II that it was never appropriate to quarrel at a party. She promised not to start an argument. Brother-in-Law did not promise anything.

 

Confrontation has never been the Sad Girl’s thing. After a quick greeting, she avoided them rather than ask what was upsetting them.

 

Towards the end of the party, Brother-in-Law said to the Sad Boy, in Italian, “I got to talk to you.”
They walked outside.

 

Brother-in-Law vaguely recounted the Atlantic City story the Sad Boy had related to Blarney Boy. He asked why he had to cause trouble for him. Somehow the ski slope conversation between the Sad Boy and Blarney Boy had been told to Brother-in-Law.

 

Who among you baits the conversation, then repeats it after twisting the words in the stage light? Please step forward; you are wanted for your curtain call.

 

The Sad Boy bid Brother-in Law to “Shut the **** up,” and countered with “You have no problem talking about me, I hadn’t even come here, and you were talking about me to Mom and Dad. And, why did you charge an extra one thousand dollars for the wedding food!”

 

The Woman with the Rock in her Shoe had billed Sad Boy an additional thousand dollars for wedding food after the wedding. It is now known that not only did they not charge an extra thousand dollars for food, but that the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe balked at handing over the first thousand. She also cried “thief” and Favorite Brother-in-Law gave her a thousand to compensate.

Do you see the picture yet?

 

By this time, Sister II and the Sad Girl had gone outside to the driveway where they were arguing. She screamed at the Sad Girl accusing the Sad Boy of telling everyone Brother-in-Law was fooling around in Atlantic City.

 

Shrieking back, the Sad Girl threw in her face a remark she had made to the Sad Boy on their wedding day. She had laughed it off when the Sad Boy had repeated it to the Sad Girl in front of her on the dance floor.

 

Finally, she yelled at the Sad Boy to leave her husband alone. The Sad Boy countered with, and I quote, “I want to talk to the pussy Brother-in-Law, not to you.”

 

At this point, the Sad Girl felt if Sister II had not interfered, they would have settled it between themselves.

 

With Sister II there, Brother-in-Law had stopped talking.

 

The Sad Boy, in an attempt, perhaps, to restart the discussion, said to him, “What are you gonna let your wife fight your fights?”

 

That’s when Sister II punched the Sad Boy.

I guess the answer was yes.

Brother-in-Law and Sister II then exited stage I’m right, you’re wrong.

The party concluded amid murmurs and whispers of what had taken place.

The Sad Boy’s response to the punch was not what anyone had expected. “She’s the only one in your family who has the guts to say what’s bothering her.”

Together the four of us had broken the parents’ eleventh commandment- Thou Shall Not Cause a Scene in Front of the Paternal Grandmother.

Yet, both were strangely quiet. The Sad Girl does not remember either of them coming outside to see what the ruckus was about. Perhaps they both knew.

Silence again made his presence known by falling to his knees and praying for an outbreak of the plague to cancel the performance that was about to unfold across the pages of Microsoft Word.

In the days before the wedding of the Sad Boy and the Sad Girl, the dogs of war had been barking but Silence was able to muffle their howl.

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe and the Pretend Father told Favorite Brother-in-Law they did not have enough money to pay for the celebratory liquor. Could he help? As always, Favorite Brother-in-Law helped. He had an acquaintance who was a supplier. He would sell him the liquor for cost. Unbeknownst to anyone but the Sad Girl’s parents, Favorite Brother-in-Law purchased and supplied the alcohol for the wedding.

The matrimonial morning dawned. Brother-in-Law approached the Sad Girl’s mother. He had spent an extra two hundred dollars on necessary serving supplies. He and Sister II had supplied more food then what the Sad Girl’s parents paid for. He wanted to be reimbursed. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe went to get him the money.

Dramatic music is required as we follow the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe into the laundry room where she opened a dresser drawer. She had tucked cash in between the assorted items. This money was to take care of the various wedding day expenses. When she went to fetch the money for Brother-in-Law, she found three thousand dollars was missing. There was only seven hundred dollars left.

The audience that had gathered into our family theater winced in pain as the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe whispered to Favorite Brother-in-Law early on the Sad Girl’s wedding day that someone had stolen three thousand dollars from her drawer. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe proceeded to write checks to cover the miscellaneous wedding expenses instead of paying in cash.

After their wedding night, when the Sad Boy and the Sad Girl returned to her house, they were informed about the missing money and its’ ramifications became reality.

The wedding guests had given many beautiful presents, as opposed to cash gifts. The Sad Boy and the Sad Girl had planned to use the cash to fund their honeymoon in Italy. They were leaving with the Sad Boy’s parents the next day to spend the months of July and August in Naples.

In a hushed tone, the Woman with the Rock in her Shoe told the Sad Girl she was missing money. As a result, she required enough cash from the Sad Girl’s wedding money to deposit in the bank to cover the checks she had written out. She must have it from the Sad Girl.

Most of the cash gifts she had, the Sad Girl dutifully handed to the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe to prevent her checkbook from bouncing. She did not consult her husband the Sad Boy. She just handed the cash to her mother.

This did not make the Sad Boy happy on many levels. Primarily, he and the Sad Girl were now a committed pair; decisions needed to be made between the two of them, with the Sad Boy as Head of the House. Additionally, they now had very limited funds to finance their two-month honeymoon.

The Sad Girl, always used to bowing to the temper tantrums and browbeating of the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe, unconsciously picked the Woman’s needs over the “us” of the Sad Boy and the Sad Girl.

To this day she regrets it.

As a married pair, they had gotten off to a rocky start. They had their first fight – ever- the first full day they were married.

When faced with the choice of the “us” of the Sad Boy and the Sad Girl and helping her mother, the Sad Girl always withered under the tears and threats of the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe and would for the next ten years of her life. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe knew it caused discord between the Sad Boy and the Sad Girl but she didn’t care.

The checks they received, about one thousand dollars, were deposited into the savings account the Sad Girl still held jointly with the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe. When they cleared the banking system, in about five business days, the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe was to send them to the Sad Girl in Italy.

Every week or so, when the Sad Girl called, she always inquired when the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe would send her money. At first, she said the checks hadn’t cleared. Then she said with working at the deli she hadn’t the time. After each phone call, the Sad Boy would say to her “Sad Girl, why are you still asking your mother? She is not going to send our money.”

Finally, she said she used the one thousand dollars to put a new clutch in the Sad Girl’s car and to purchase four new tires for the car that she had been driving all summer. She had spent the Sad Girl’s wedding money and was not sending it to her. She rationalized that when the Sad Girl came home she would have had to have a clutch installed and new tires anyway.

The Sad Girl doesn’t remember checking if her car was the proud recipient of four new tires. She did know that as a mechanic, Favorite Brother-in-Law benevolently fixed all the family cars for the cost of the necessary parts. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe, like everyone else in the family, would have asked him to install a new clutch. He was never asked to replace the clutch in the Sad Girl’s car.

Plot holes and inconsistencies in the script were becoming apparent, but the Sad Girl had yet to catch on to any of them.

Hindsight is twenty years too late.

Goldilocks