On its 32nd Anniversary, it’s long past due. I give you How the Sad Girl Got Sad

 

Our grandmother had a full length mirror affixed to her closet door located in our long hallway. The closet was directly across from the girls’ bedroom. My grandmother never minded if you opened her closet door to use her mirror. The Sad Girl still remembers the time she and Favorite Sister observed a beautiful, young teenage Sister Who Shall Not Be Named in front of our grandmother’s mirror. She was brushing her long auburn hair while singing along with Charlie Pride to her reflection- “Hey…did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world…”

Recently, the Sad Girl sent the You-Tube video to Favorite Sister. She assures the Sad Girl that she is in fact very naughty, but the Sad Girl bets she can’t help laughing again when she reads this! Oh, Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, did you think the Sad Girl would leave this classic family moment out?

 

The Sad Girl had two choices for her college education. She was allowed to attend Felician College or she was permitted to enroll at Felician College. She chose to enroll at Felician College. Felician is located in Lodi, NJ. When she attended, it had been an all girls’ school run by the Felician Sisters. Her father’s cousin had been a Felician Sister. Clearly, it was not St. Elizabeth’s in Morristown, another all girls’ school but with a dormitory. None the less, she was happy to attend Felician.

 

The small class size, always under fifteen students per class, usually three or four per class, enabled her to receive a top notch education. The professors at Felician were committed to giving each student a college education. If you were having trouble understanding the material, they taught you until you understood. If you gave your best effort, you would learn. It really didn’t matter how much you knew before you enrolled at Felician. They did not give their diploma to all students enrolled at the school, only to the students who had earned it. When you received your diploma after four years, you were certifiably smart. The Felician Sisters had made sure that you were.

 

While the fall of 1983 had sent the Sad Girl to Felician, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was permitted to enroll at the Joe Kubert School of Art and Graphic Design in Dover, New Jersey to purse a career in graphic arts. The Sad Girl was enrolled at an all girls’ school whereas the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was learning to draw the male form from nude male models.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and the Sad Girl were the best of friends growing up. Together they did all the things that sisters do. They played and laughed. They shared a bedroom, their hopes and their dreams. They shared little girl secrets. They were the best of friends.

 

Reminiscing about the joy the Sad Girl and the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named were blessed with through childhood makes the division in adulthood very painful. The Sad Girl will keep those treasured memories to herself.

 

It is at the Joe Kubert School of Art and Graphic Design that the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named quickly met her future husband, Blarney Boy. Blarney Boy was a twenty-four year old man from Ohio. He was a student at the design school. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was seventeen years old. Without delay, she began to date Blarney Boy. As he had no car and no prospect for getting a car because he was unemployed, he was allowed to spend the weekends at our house.

 

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe liked Blarney Boy very much. Both she and the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named found his Irish-American looks and ways charming. Blarney Boy was very artistic both with a canvas and with his stories. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named quickly fell in love with him. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe quickly fell in love with her prospective son-in-law. She was replacing the Oldest Brother with Blarney Boy. If memory serves correctly, at some point she told this to Oldest Brother.

 

Blarney Boy was embraced by the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe, placed in the family fold and given a leading role on our stage. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe announced at dinner one evening that twenty-four year old Blarney Boy was still a virgin. As an aside comment, please refer to this when Chlamydia enters our theatrical piece.

 

Blarney Boy liked to chitchat. His character had many entertaining stories to humor the audience. He especially enjoyed sharing anecdotal tales characterizing his large family.

 

Using words, he sketched a beautiful picture to depict his delightful Irish ancestry. Blarney Boy came from strong family stock. His parents had emigrated from Ireland then produced a brood of a dozen children! Patiently Blarney Boy sketched his family portrait telling about each of his siblings. As the weeks went by, he amused everyone with funny anecdotal tales with each sibling sharing center stage. We were all vicariously friends with each member of Blarney Boy’s clan. We knew the names, ages, occupations and current life path of each sibling.

 

At some point, Blarney Boy confessed to using a broad brush stroke while painting the verbal canvas of his family life. His parents were not from Ireland. His father worked in business. His mother worked as an accountant. He had only a handful of siblings.

 

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe excused it as Irish blarney. If I were a playwright, I would have him kissing the blarney stone before he spoke any line.

 

The family stage players, with the exception of The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe and the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, concluded Blarney Boy was a liar. He was not a suitable match for the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named. Repeatedly, his lies were excused as “Irish blarney.” Blarney Boy grew closer to the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and was championed by the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe. She even accused Favorite Sister of being jealous of her close relationship with the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy.

************

 

In 19**, Favorite Sister and her husband Favorite Brother-in-Law decided to build a larger home. They wanted to move closer to both families. They sold their home and purchased a piece of land in the same rural town as both families.

 

Blarney Boy returned to Ohio for the summer. Before he left, he outlined his plan to drudge the summer weeks away working to earn enough money to purchase an engagement ring for the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named.

 

On another side note, the engagement ring he gave the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named turned her finger black. I guess he didn’t work excessively hard that summer.

 

During the summer weeks, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named beseeches the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe with a request for Blarney Boy to live with our family in the fall. If he did not, he would need to remain with his family in Ohio. He would be unable to complete his final year at the Joe Kubert School due to a shortage of funds for housing. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named would not be able to see him anymore. She was in love with him. Blarney Boy was going to marry the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe readily agreed.

 

“At least now Favorite Sister won’t move in with her three noisy children while she builds her house,” was the justification of the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe.

 

Favorite Sister and Favorite Brother-in-Law, along with their three girls, spent the time with Sister II and her husband the First Italian, and Adorable Nephew.

 

The Sad Girl began her second year of college in September, 1984. She also continued her summer job working evenings and weekends at an Italian restaurant.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy became engaged. They were to be married the next December.

 

Baby Sister was unhappy with Blarney Boy in our home on a daily basis. Blarney Boy was not being nice to Baby Sister. He was nasty to her while poking fun at her adolescent pudginess. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe, surprisingly, was letting Blarney Boy belittle Baby Sister. By this time, he was twenty-five and helpless Baby Sister was only thirteen. My father remained silent and enabled this hostility in our home continue.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was not able to keep up with her assigned homework. Without our parents’ knowledge, Blarney Boy began to do her drawing assignments along with his own.

 

He was also drawing her feminine form behind closed doors. One evening Another Brother walked in on a naked Sister Who Shall Not Be Named provocatively sprawled across the bed. She swore she had a bathing suit on and that Another Brother was perpetually spying on her.

 

In the spring, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named shared her final secret with the Sad Girl.

 

 

Pontius Pilot asked Jesus the question of the ages- “What is truth?” before he sent Jesus off to be crucified.

Lightening does not strike Pontius Pilot dead.

So, does that mean if you put your hand on the Holy Bible, swear to Mommy, Daddy, and God Almighty that you are telling the truth , then blatantly lie about your sister and lightening doesn’t strike you dead, you’re good with God?
He understands why you had to do it?

I’m going to ask Him about that when I see Him.

************

 

It is about April, 1985 that the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, now eighteen, approached the Sad Girl and shared a predicament that she was in. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, apparently, was very late with her monthly cycle. She thought she might be pregnant. What should she do? The Sad Girl doesn’t recall what she said to the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named.

 

But inside, the Sad Girl panicked. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named missing her period meant only one thing, she and Blarney Boy REALLY had a relationship. Premarital sex was not tolerated in the Sad Girl’s home.

 

This information horrified the Sad Girl. She knew she had to inform the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe. She could not keep this secret for her sister. She needed advice.

 

The Sad Girl telephoned Favorite Sister down in Toms River. She advised her to ask the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, again, if she had gotten her period.

 

The Sad Girl asked her the next day if she had gotten her period. She shook her head as she replied no.

 

The Sad Girl did not enlighten her to the fact that she had divulged her secret to Favorite Sister.

 

The Sad Girl knew it was absolutely necessary to tell the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe. If she didn’t tell her that the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was pregnant, she would be blamed. If she knew the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was having sex in the bedroom with Blarney Boy and her parents found out, she would be blamed. Anyway she looked at it, she would be blamed. Favorite Sister reassured her that, indeed, she must tell the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe.

 

The Sad Girl beckoned the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe outside. She wanted to speak to her without being over heard by Grandma or Baby Sister. Quietly, she shared the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named secret relating how she had not gotten her period and thought she might be pregnant. With a horrified expression, the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe used her hands to cover her face. She knew the Sad Girl was telling the truth.

 

Soon after, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy arrived home. Unable to contain her anguish, the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe screamed the secret the Sad Girl had just revealed to her, to the two of them. They got back into their car, and drove away without saying more than a few words.

 

Father came home to an upset household. Distressed, the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe apprised him of the current developments in our family drama. Her screaming had alerted and informed Grandma and Baby Sister.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy left the stage for nearly two hours while the Sad Girl sat with her parents answering questions and regretting that she had opened her mouth. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe paced the stage worried that the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named had run away with Blarney Boy.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy returned, prepared to improvise the performance of a life time.

The pair sauntered confidently into the house. Sometime between when the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named told the Sad Girl and when she told their mother, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named had gotten her period. She was in the clear. All she had to do was damage control. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, with the help of Blarney Boy, had concocted their story during the time they were gone.

 

Affronted, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named commenced her battle with a display of shock and awe. She began by telling the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe that the Sad Girl was a liar. She was jealous of her relationship with Blarney Boy, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named had a boyfriend and the Sad Girl did not. She exclaimed that the Sad Girl was secretly in love with Blarney Boy.

 

What else does she say? What doesn’t she say would be simpler to answer.

 

Everything she could think of, every weapon she had in her verbal arsenal she threw.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named, expressing alarm and concern, informed their parent’s that the Sad Girl was a hard core drug addict. Drug induced delusions had caused her to fabricate a story about the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named being pregnant. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe checked the Sad Girl’s arms for track marks.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named volunteered to go to a gynecologist to let him check that her virginity was still intact. And, to drag the Sad Girl with her because she was sure that the Sad Girl was not virginal anymore.

 

The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named assaulted the Sad Girl’s chastity. She knowingly advised the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe and anyone who would listen, that the Sad Girl was not virtuous with the men she worked with in the restaurant.

 

The nuclear missile was when the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy both put their hands on the family bible and swore to the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe, our father, and to God Almighty that they were telling the truth. That sealed the Sad Girl’s destruction. The Sister Who Shall Not Be Named would never put her hand on the bible and swear if she was lying. The Sad Girl swore on the bible as well, but it was to no avail.

 

Smugly, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy withdrew. Victory was theirs.
The parents’ audibly lamented over the loss of their sweet Anna Marie. The Sad Girl was born. Apparently, Sweet Anna Marie was no longer she and never would be again.

 

Cue the applause and grant a curtain call for the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Blarney Boy for acting the part of innocence personified.

 

The Sad Girl was branded a liar. She was bearing false witness against the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named. In the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe’s world, being a bearer of false witness was better than being a fornicator. For the record, they are both on God’s top ten list.

 

The medical term for what was done to the Sad Girl is “gas lighting”. May God have Mercy on all her tormentors and Bless and Keep Favorite Sister who stood staunchly by her side.

 

With one fell swoop, the Sister Who Shall Not Be Named severed their relationship. From one hour to the next, it was no more.

 

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe severed her relationship with the Sad Girl as well.

 

It became very ugly. Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Beatified Blarney Boy donned the costume of martyrs. Poor Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Beatified Blarney Boy were almost burned at the stake by a jealous Sad Girl bearing false witness against them. Repeatedly, for six years, the Sad Girl listened to this mantra. Night and Day there was no stop to the words the looks the shaking of disappointed heads. Mind bending at it’s finest.

 

That night, the Sad Girl sobbed until she put herself to sleep. Rapidly, she began to descend into a deep, dark depression.

 

Two women helped her overcome the compulsion to slit her wrists and slowly bleed the burning pain out of her body and mind. The first was Favorite Sister who believed her and stood as a champion in her corner.

 

The second was a professor at Felician College. For some reason, during one class, she went off topic and began a discourse on the harshness of life. She reminded the Sad Girl and all the other students of God’s definitive purpose and plan for each of us. If no one else understood, God understood. God knew the truth. No one could hide the truth from God, not even Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Beatified Blarney Boy protected by the mantle of their mother’s love.

 

The Sad Girl, after great thought, did not purchase the straight razor. She, branded a liar and tainted bearer of false witness, internalized all her sorrow.

 

A few weeks later, when the professor had noticed a change in her, she beckoned the Sad Girl into her office. During their conversation, the Sad Girl thanked her for her impromptu talk disclosing how her words prevented the Sad Girl from suicide. While enfolding the Sad Girl in her motherly arms, they both cried. Wiping the Sad Girl’s tears and then her own, she exclaimed that if the Sad Girl was the only student she had ever reached, her thirty year teaching career was a success.

 

Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named repeatedly asked the Sad Girl why she was angry with her. The Sad Girl never responded. Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named maintained her proud affronted face along with her fable, intact, for the Sad Girl and for the world to behold. She openly complained to the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe concerning the dead friendship between her and the Sad Girl. “Woe is me,” became her mantra.

 

She deserved an Emmy Award for this performance. To this day, 32 years later, she sticks to her story.

 

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe, noticing the Sad Girl’s deep depression, brought her to the family physician. On the doctor’s advice, the Sad Girl was sent to the hospital to be administered a glucose tolerance test. After ingesting a quart of liquid sugar, her blood sugar levels were checked every hour. When her blood sugar had risen to its highest point, she divulged to her mother her state of mind. She told her how much she hated her for believing she would lie about Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named. She screamed at her. She told her she wanted to run from her and never see her again.

 

All the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe kept calmly saying over and over again was, “Its okay, you’re just sick. The sugar is making you sick.”

 

That was her line and she was sticking to it.

 

The sugar was making the Sad Girl sick but so were the Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe and Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named. Concern was in her voice but her once gentle arms were cold to the Sad Girl’s pleas for mercy.

 

Rapidly, the Sad Girls blood sugar level dropped severely. After venting all her emotional anguish, she was blessed with a comatose sleep for the sugar low. She did indeed have hypoglycemia. Her blood sugar levels had risen then fallen rapidly, leveling out at eight or ten before beginning to stabilize.

 

The Sad Girl was also diagnosed with a depressive disorder, most likely because the doctor and nurses witnessed her screaming at her mother.

 

Still, the Sad Girl is bitter. Her parents chose to believe Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named and Beatified Blarney Boy over her. Still, after thirty-two years, she can look back at this time and not understand. How could a sister lie about another sister? How could a mother prefer one child’s word over another? How could a father, who in later years admitted to an unnamed sibling he knew Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named was lying, stand by silently and let it continue? The Sad Girl still feels like screaming but now she knows why.

 

The Sad Girl is her mother’s child but not her father’s. She is a bastard. That’s how they justified it. In their eyes, the Sad Girl was a product of her mother’s sin. She was not “their” child. She was a rock in her mother’s shoe.

 

The Sad Girl stopped crying. She only shared her emotions with her Favorite Sister. Favorite Sister new how miserable the Sad Girl was. Like the first time she cut her leg shaving and Favorite Sister bandaged up her bloody ankle, she now bandaged up the Sad Girl’s spirit. The Sad Girl did not kill herself because Favorite Sister was there to love her when she was at the lowest state of her life. She, Favorite Brother-in-Law, her three beautiful nieces and Baby Sister loved her enough to pull her through. Thank you, with all my heart.

 

On a hypoglycemia diet, the Sad Girl dropped twenty-five pounds in less than a month. She was now a svelte size six. The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe admired her long blonde hair so she went to the beauty salon and cut it short, short, short. She applied a good amount of makeup everyday. She changed her style of clothing. Everyone noticed how fabulous she looked on the outside. Inside hasn’t ever really healed.

 

The Sad Girl picked up a smoking habit in an effort to calm her nerves. Coffee with heavy cream became her drink of choice to keep weight on. Her back broke out in blemishes. She devoted her to time studying, working and babysitting for her three young nieces. She went home only to sleep. The Sad Girl’s life had changed. She was miserable at home so she avoided it. As a person, she changed. She felt that she stood on the stage alone while the audience pointed and whispered their disapproval in mocking voices. I do believe that the Sad Girl had grown up overnight.

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Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named continued to voice her “Woe is me” line, always fighting for center stage. The Sad Girl pushed her to the stage wing while Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named planned her upcoming nuptial celebration.

 

The Woman with the Rock in Her Shoe echoed her line over and over. “Wasn’t Sainted Sister Who Shall Not Be Named so forgiving, she even is having the Sad Girl as her maid of honor.” Yippee for the Sad Girl.

Goldilocks